Housewife doing it all?

[nosleep4me]

I was looking for some feedback about how families deal with one parent working, the other stay at home. I have a wonderful husband, and he is an excellent provider and father, loves to play with our 8 month old. However, he doesn't feel its necessary for him to help in the "basics" of every day life, like feeding our child, changing him, waking up with him at night, giving him baths or putting him down for naps. Am I being selfish here, or should I get a little break? I haven't been able to be away from our child for more than an hour or so, because my husband doesn't know how to feed him or put him to sleep. He still gets up 3-4 times a night and its getting exhausting after 8 months to be the only one to get up with him and the crying.

[gemma1989]

hi, i am in the same situation and little boy is nearly 9 months old. My other half is the same. But he wont do the bits you mentioned with tyler because tyler fusses. he says it stresses him out. I get a break if i ask for one, but it means relying on my mother-in-law because joe wont have him. it causes all sorts of arguements for us about me being able to actually have time to ie. get a bath, etc. :S x

[mumagain]

I remember it was like that with our first child. I think that as the working partner, they feel that they're holding up their end of the deal, and they don't realise the physical and emotional toll it takes to look after a baby. Initially, as a new mum and in a new country with very few friends, I was getting no adult interaction until my husband came home for dinner, and since I breastfed for the first year, it seemed logical that I would be the one to get up when our baby needed a feed (although, fortunately for me, he stopped needing night feeds after about 4 months). I was also worried that father and son weren't bonding, so we had a talk.
After that, it was taken as given that when dad was at home, he would look after baby. Weekends are mum-time, even though we usually go out together. Nappy changes / toilet breaks are all dad's responsibility - unless we're in some benighted establishment where the only feasible place to change a nappy is the ladies' loos. Of course, we adapted as our little boy grew up, and things have changed again with our new baby - we may have to sit down for another little talk - but it did make a huge difference, and I didn't feel quite so overwhelmed by the new mum thing.

[big head]

I am in the same boat as you , I stat home and do it all , by the time me husband gets home I feel like I have no more energy because of all the house work and taking car of my 3 yr old ... My husband doesn't understand why I am so tired , he thinks that my job at home should not be so tiring .. but little does he know it is work ... Just wish he could understand me better on this ..

[nctwinmom06]

I think and granted I have an incredibly involved husband who works not only out of the home but out of state and is gone 14 days home for 3 gone for 14 etc. but even before this he has always been hands on and I think all days should be. regardless of how they were raised, Raising and caring for kids is more than just playing with them, its all the not so fun stuff too. Talk to him tell him how you feel.

[nicculo08]

Hi!

I am in the exact same position here. My boyfriend thinks that if he makes all the money then it's his decision on what he does around here. Sometimes i just need a break. I love my 10 month old Nicculo but I need away from him sometimes. My boyfriend says that I do get away from him when I go to the laundry mat. I tried to explain that that is not a break because I am still working! He just doesn't get it and on top of that he works anywhere from 70-80 hours a week so he is never home and his boss tells him not to work those hours so he is choosing to just stay away. I feel more like a single mom. It is so irritating.

[nicculo08]

I hate how they don't understand that staying home and cleaning the house and taking care of kids is just as difficult if not more. You are the CEO. You are in charge of scheduling and keeping everything under control on top of being the conflict resolution manager and janitor and then when your significant other gets home you also have to be the shoulder to lean on because they just had a really bad day. You are the last one to bed and the first one up. It just amazes me how they don't see that we work just as hard!

[jkle]

I have the same issue!!! My husband is basically the sole provider of our family!! I do however look after our boys age 2 and almost 4 and do bookeepping for my brothers business!!! It's hard. he sometimes comes home and says things about how hard his day was, well I belive it but you know what, most of our days are hard all the time!! We don't get lunch or coffee breaks!!!