Parents never together but 2 year old acting out? Any help would be welcomed

[vbanks78]

Hi all,

I am new here and decided to post as I have a problem that cant really be solved by other threads/ articles/ advice etc

I am seperated from my little girls father and was before I was pregnant ( long story!)

Anyway he lives 200 + miles away and visits once a month with his fiance. There is no animosity at all...in fact we all get on, and on occasion have spent the day together. He pays regular CM and we have a regular sunday night call to update, which I try every time to get the little one to speak at aswell. Sometimes she will some she wont.

My little girl is 2 yr 10 months, is very bright for her age, knows her own mind and is not afraid to express it, she is also...cunning (and forgive the use of this word ...my brain not working right now) what I mean is that she is fully aware of the situations around her and therefore will easily change tact for them. All of this is fine on a daily/weekly basis as it is not out of character. My problems arise the week after a visit.

Now she will regularly go for visits alone to her grandparents/ aunts/ unlce's and even the childminder whom she is with for 3 hrs a day/ 5 a week.

But for some reason this once a month visit with her father sends her into a melt down for the following week... Will not do as she is asked, hits throws, does really silly or even naughty things that she wont often do any other time. She tends to push me away, almost wanting to hurt me. Whilst playing her nan a sympathy card ( this weeks has been telling her I will shout at her for having a dirty face, our bath is always cold, and that she wants our bed to move to her house as ours has bugs in...obviously all is untrue) She also I have noticed has drems of bugs pre-visit and constantly thinks they are about post visit.

I dont know what to do? I have tried just being normal post visit, tried being really attentive, obviously the first time I disciplined the behaviour until I realised the pattern. If I bring up the subject she will ignore the topic completely by trying/showing or telling me distracting off topic things. I have pre- visit explained why they come for visits, I often tell her about how lucky she is have 2 houses and lots of family that she can choose at anytime to visit. I have also reassured her that at no time will she have to stop living with me unless she decides to have a sleep over at daddies...( she has never stayed there or anywhere yet.) To which she answers when she is a big girl but not now, and I say that is fine... its whenever she feels its right.

Basically I have run out of ideas and hope someone could help?

Sorry for long story!

[vbanks78]

Any advice?

Is this a crazy ass to longs story kind of post?

Must use bullet points in future

[Michelle & Harvey]

Hi Vbanks,

Did you get any help with your daughters problems? I am experiencing a similar problem myself, my son is nearly 4 years old and doesnt see his dad because he lives in Canada. He speaks to him weekly but hasnt seen him in 2 years.

Michelle

[singlemom05]

My son is 4 and will be turning 5 here in a few months, well just recently he has been acting up beyond control. He use to be such and wonderful young man but just like yal I am also a single mother. He visits his dad every 6 weeks for 2 weeks. His dad is engaged to get married and I am happy for them. But my son has not been listening to me, he is sassying me back. I work 40 plus hours and go to school and trying to discipline a 4 yr old with a mind of his own is hard. I have tried the spanking, he could care a less, I have tried the time out, it does nothing, I have tried the hot sauce on his tongue for the sassying, he has actually started liking the taste, (are u kidding me). I have talked to my ex husband and his fiance to see what they do different and it's really nothing. So I am not sure what to do anymore. My patience is running very thin. I have taken his toys away but he has an active imagination so it doesn't do anything. If anyone has any idea's please I am open to any suggestions.

[mommy1]

I have a two year old little girl and her father and I have been seperated since she was three months old. He came back this past summer and we tried to work things out and one day things got out of control and he completly trashed my house in front of her. Now when she gets angry or mad at me she will throw things all over the house. and she yells at me to back off and get away from her. And as you are I am at a total loss. she talks about it all the time and tells me that she throwing things like daddy did. Just thought I would let you know you are not alone out there, even though my story wasn't much help I hope it makes you feel like part of a group.