My mom as grandma!

[parenting114]

Hello, everyone! I have two kids, 4 and 2 yo. Our family ( my husband, me, and my two kids) were in another country for 2 years. .. my mom visited us many times and she was really kind with the kids, my two sons loved her a lot, specially the older... he was missing her everytime she left... so... we decided to come back and one of the reason was exacly this. I wanted my kids around them grandma, I think its was a really important fase of they lifes that wouldnt came back and I couldnt let this happen, they needed each other, I thought. We came back... now, for a couple of reasons, we are living in my moms house for a while, until get the things straight (to get house or an appartment.... ) but...things seems have changed... and I am not liking this.... my Kids, specially the older, its fuuuuull of love to her, its gradma here, grandma there... its all about his nana but.... she doesnt look the same..... she has two dogs and spend the major part of her day with the dogs..... taking for walk, giving food, taking for the bath, taking for go to pee (yes!!!), she spend the most part of her day inside her bedroom, locked with those two dogs..... and my kid call her... somethimes she came... stay for a while, but doesnt stay... sometimes when she came, she say to them what its aloud in her place...like...this you cant play... or this you cant do.... full her grandsons with her rules and think about clean the house all the time, and worry about the kids doing something messy...... I am afraid that this can cause in my son ( the older that loves her so much) a kind of.... low selfsteem, thinking that she doesnt like him and is his fault or something..... now I am confuse if its the best for the kids have her around... maybe its not good to them self steem to get around her... I am afraid they get hurt because of her attitude.... what should I do?? I tryed to talk to her many times... but she start to cry and if I say something about the dogs! OMG!!! it looks like I am attacking her badly... its a difficult situation... I tryed to say to her to spend a time with the kids and everything and sometime when she does... It looks like its forced, you know???? like she is not enjoying at all and its doing this only because I said so..... I dont know what to do and I feel like I have to do something fast......

[mistichance]

Your mom is used to her own space. Having you live with her for awhile is nice, however, she still needs her alone time in her bedroom. My husband and I lived with my in-laws for a year. We have two children. My mother in law spent most of her time in her bedroom, also. The kids were always going in there. We set up times for being together. Meals and for a few hours Saturday night to watch movies or play games. Additional time was grandma wanting to spend time with them. This increased their confidence in knowing grandma loves them and was not bothered with their presence.
Your concern shows me that it may be time to get your own place as quickly as possible.

[ihave3boys]

You need to remember that you are in her house. When she came to visit you she had nothing else to focus on. She can't focus on your kids the whole day. Explain to your kids that grandma needs her own time. You might also want to set up a schedule with her as to when she wants to spend time with the kids. This will set up boundaries for everyone.

I think that once you move out and can "visit" you will see a change. Good Luck!!

[#1fan]

I do agree that your mother does need time alone, if your son id following her around, then tell him, explain to him that nana needs her time alone, that she will play with then when she is ready. When it comes to her dogs, she loves then dearly and wants to be with them, but needs time with her grandsons as well.